Pussy Whipped/Dick Whipped People

Before I get started, I want to admit that I am not the best at hanging out with my friends on a consistent basis. With work and the gym, I don't feel like going out a lot. With that being said... 

How many times have you seen a friend of yours begin dating someone, and then that person literally disappears off the face of the earth for months? This shit happens all the time. When people find attention and start dating, they cling to it, and it's not a bad thing-that's just human nature. I want to make something clear though; if you can't figure out balance in your relationship, and you blow off your friends, don't be surprised if they realize this. Once your 'friends' realize your true priorities, they will recognize where they stand with you. So, (sorry to sound cynical) but when your 'perfect relationship' goes in the shitter for whatever reason, don't look around perplexed like you expect your friends to be there to catch you. 

Don't get me wrong, in some instances people just need a learning experience and then in their future relationships they realize what they need to change (balance). In my first (and only) very serious relationship I wasn't the best at monopolizing my time and spending equal time with my friends. I still did things with friends pretty often, but I could have done a better job. I just want people to realize the message they send when they crawl up a significant other's ass for a few months or a year. I am not sympathetic for these people. They become single, and then it's a fuckin panic attack like 'holy shit' I gotta go hang out with my 'friends' I haven't seen in months. My thinking during this is 'oh well, I am not going to change up my routine to make you feel better'. I'm not going to justify your dumb ass decisions, help you manage your problems, or wipe your ass for you. 

Sorry if this seems harsh, but I am a very loyal person. Once the loyalty is compromised, there's no going back. I just cut out the cancer (for lack of a better word) from my life and move on. Life's too short to waste it on people who act like this. Too many times people have this leash on their dick during their relationship, and then they get bitter towards their 'friends' after the infatuation/relationship is concluded. 

Frustrated Rambling (forgive me lol)

Sometimes I feel full of inner turmoil. It’s like an ongoing agitation or frustration that is similar to that of a headache. I have a habit of overanalyzing things, and in my current situation, all I have is time to think. Every once in a while, my stresses seem to be at my attention more. I’m not sure why sometimes I can handle it easier, and then some nights I am left sleepless because of it.  I guess one of the big things that bother me is the lack of control we have over our lives. You can prepare your whole life for something, and then be let down by poor timing, lack of availability, not knowing the ‘right people’, and lack of opportunity.  Growing up we were raised to get a good education, and I expected myself to graduate college. Therefore, I had somewhat of an idea of what my purpose in life would be up until about age 23: preparation (education). Preparation for a job or career which would occupy the remainder of my life. However, once my degree was obtained (with a decent GPA), I soon realized how worthless it really is. You can spend the first 22 years of your life preparing yourself for a career, and then be without luck due to other circumstances outside of your power.

And it’s not just like that with jobs. In a relationship you can do many things right, and be let down all the same in the end. You can stay faithful, treat them right, give them your all, and then they can choose to do otherwise.  It’s a sad dilemma, but it’s no reason to change the way you handle people or relationships. Even though I feel nice guys truly finish last in most cases (with relationships) you should not stray from how you act. Your personality should not change due to a fucked up pattern of societal behavior.

The main point is that life is full of so many extenuating circumstances that are far from your control. You can do everything in your power to accomplish something, and then fall short. And for what? Was it just not ‘meant’ to happen? I guess in order try to understand this you have to believe in some sort of fate. My ‘fate’ in my life is God’s plan. I feel that if something doesn’t work out for me then it must obviously be attributable to God’s plan for my life. I failed at excelling at college basketball which was detrimental to me emotionally, but maybe that was God strengthening me. I failed to maintain a relationship in college with a HS sweetheart, but through that failure I learned how to maintain healthy relationships. I had to start along with no friends or family nearby at school, but it taught me social skills and coping mechanisms. I spent the last 8 months jobless, and without purpose, and for what? Apparently I need help learning patience and maybe my job search focus needs to shift to a broader region or perhaps the entire country. It can just be overwhelming because I never know what to think. I am not sure if I am every being too timid, and relying on things to just ‘play out’ as a part of God’s plan. Maybe I am being too content with just waiting and trying to listen, rather than actually taking action and ‘doing’.  Anyways, I realize this was rambling and fragmented, but bear with me. I usually speak in more of a general sense, but this entry was different. I think writing can help you put your thoughts in order and evaluate your situation with different perspectives. 

Falling into a Routine

Isn't it weird how we fall into a mind-set or rhythm in life, and then time seems to fly by? It's really easy to get into a certain routine and slowly become a zombie; just going through the motions with work, relationships, etc. And when this happens, time flies... But it also seems to make us somewhat numb to things/people around us sometimes. We get used to certain things and fall victim to taking things/people for granted. 

I guess a way to combat this is take a few minutes every day to recognize our good fortune. Otherwise, it's easy to just fall into a comfort zone and neglect things. I blinked and 8 months went by, and I am in the same situation (jobless & living at home). Now, this can be a depressing time for some people. But, if I take a few minutes to think about it I can easily put a positive spin on it. For example: I get to reinforce my relationship with my parents that was tough to maintain since I was away at school the last 4 years. I have had some time to relax before my career begins, which will take up every day of my life until retirement (which will easily be 70 yrs old). Those are just 2 examples, but if we try to make a point of thinking about these things daily, they won't go by unnoticed. 

In all honesty anybody who can even read this is extremely fortunate. Not because you get to read my shitty writing, but since you obviously have a computer, internet, electricity, etc. So, we all need to learn how to appreciate the amazing fortune and people who play such large roles in our life. We don't want to become a zombie who never realizes how blessed their life actually is. 

Perspective

I know a lot of the things I talk about are random so bare with me, because I am weird.

Happiness is all relative. Is it just me or is it easier to look back on past experiences as happier times than that of the present? As I look back on times in high school and college, I have tons of amazing memories. However, it's an easy trap to fall into to just recollect all of the positive occurrences, and none of the negative. Whenever I reminisce (or whatever) over my past, my memory seems to focus strictly on the positives, while the negatives fall by the wayside. Therefore, I think it's important to put things into perspective immediately, as to not overlook positives that are in our life currently. After all, those seem to be the the memories I retain more often than not. It will be too easy to just continuously look back on the last few years of my life as the 'happier' times, even though the only reason they seem happier, is because of my perspective on things. I don't want to be someone who lives in the past, because when I'm in my 30s, I'm sure I will look back on my life now and say it was some of the best years I've ever had. By doing this, hopefully I can fully appreciate every aspect of my life presently rather than reminiscently, and also maintain a more positive outlook. 

Settling..

So, maybe it's just me, but it feels like TONS of people are perfectly ok with settling. I'm not just talking about relationship, but with jobs, and other aspects of their life.

I can kind of understand people settling in relationship, I mean, I don't settle but I can appreciate why someone would I guess. People are more interested in immediate pleasure. I'm not just talking about sex when I say pleasure, I mean attention, connection and emotional attachment. Everybody likes having those things, and if you are without these things for a period of time (everybody has different limits) people start settling. The way I see it though, is that why settle for something now that will eventually crash and burn. Because, if you settle for some immediate 'pleasure', then chances are, you will eventually notice obvious differences and conflicts with this person. I don't know why so many people are in a hurry these days. I am not faulting anyone of my friends for having a family already, but many people seem determined to get a jump start on this process before they're ready. I have plenty of friends that have beautiful families already, and I am extremely happy for them, but it's sad to see some people get rushed into circumstances because they don't want to wait for the right person, timing, or situation. I don't know why but I always have kept extremely high standards (maybe too high), but I am kind of a romantic I guess, and I just want to find the right person for me. I have been single for around 2 years now, and I have to try extra hard not to settle at this point. The longer you go without someone in your life, the more you want someone there.

I also think that a large portion of failed marriages come from people that might have settled back in the day, or rushed into a relationship. I know there are tons of other factors that play a role in divorces, but I think people have gotten too accustomed to the idea that they can simply just divorce someone anyways, which desensitizes the entire purpose of marriage. I'm not saying I am looking to settle down and get married, I'm just saying that when I do, I will be damn sure that they are the RIGHT one, because once I am married I will be with that person for life.